It’s Thursday night in Nathrop, Colorado. I haven’t written anything up to this point in the trip yet, but nothing inspires me more to write than a beautiful Colorado breeze and a couple of growlers of fine brews. Troy’s snoring echoes in the background while my iPod plays the tunes of Sam Beam and David Bazan. The fire has finally sizzled out at 12:58 mountain time and I sit here in a pitch black trailer having no business being able to type as clearly as I am.
This trip has been nothing short of amazing. We’ve climbed mountains, drank aimlessly, and drove endlessly through trails that my measly sedan would have never dared to undertake. The stars have always been there in the night sky, but they beam brighter than any other night sky I can remember. There’s no other place I would rather be right now. Life always seems so much clearer when you’re thousands of miles from home and imbibed to the point of existentialism. I often joke about how I have more fun than other people, and tonight is one of those nights where the joke takes on truth that others may sadly never experience.
As with any trip, my mind has hiked through paths of worn and unworn trails, escaping to places that just don’t exist in city life. The usual questions pop up in your mind; the who am I, how have I changed this year, where will I go from here? Though they matter, they don’t really seem to make a difference year in and year out. It’s like looking at your new year’s resolutions year by year and realizing that they’re all a sham. Trying to wrap your thoughts around your being is just a superfluous act of self-indulgence. Why does it matter?
Here’s what I care about on this trip. “Seize the days.” In a few days I will be back in the car on my way back to my parents to pick up Chester (who I miss dearly by the way) and thinking to myself, when will I be out there again? Have I done all that I could to enjoy life today? This question should be asked of ourselves at the end of every day. Whether we like it or not, we have only one life to live and there is no guarantee of tomorrow. I can be the healthiest vegan runner man in the world and die from a freak car accident, or I can be a sort of healthy beer drinking, casual smoking, care-free fool who lives until some form of cancer catches up with him at the age of 75. One way or another I’m going to enjoy life. That is the only guarantee I can be sure of. We can only control so little.
I think all of us have control issues. It comes with being human and not God, or whatever creator you may or may not choose to acknowledge. We want to control our circumstances, relationships, health, well-being, etc… Unfortunately, we can’t do any of those things. We may try in various forms, such as the food we eat, where we live, or the types of friends we hang with, but none of it is in our control. The crazy healthy veggie dogs could have some crazy chemicals that warp our stomachs, or the places we live may flood and ruin our prized possessions, or worse yet, the people we love could turn on us at a moment’s notice.
All that we can guarantee for our lives is that we live the best life possible each and every day. We can’t put it all in some savings account that we hope will reap benefits in the near future, or have some idealistic five-year plan that sees us in a boat on a river with no cares in the world. We can’t waste our lives hanging out with people that don’t truly love the real you. So for the love of God, please find the “real you”.
Sadly, there are too many of us who wait for “those people” to come around, or for those stories to come to fruition. The “real you” is closer to you than you know and the sooner you find it and embrace it unabashedly, the more meaning your life can have. If people can’t appreciate you for you, then throw them out the window, or into the makeshift fire, or the apartment dumpster, wherever you can throw them. I wish I would have realized this years ago, but at 27, I guess it’s not too late. And it won’t be too late, because today was a great day because I willed it so. Tomorrow will be the same. I hope yours will be as well.
