Brothers

So it's been a handful of days since the brother blowup, but now seems to be the perfect time to ramble about it. I am in Austin at a cool little coffee shop called Lava Java drinking a mango smoothie and waiting for Fred and Dave to finish observing some conductors' symposium at the UT school of music. Yeah, good time to write about the different paths my brother and I have embarked on.

I used to idolize my brother. I'm not sure if that's too strong a word for it, but I definitely looked up to him. We're 4 1/2 years apart, but have often joked about how we're the same person in different bodies. We'll say the same jokes, quote the same movie lines, agree that we're better than "those" other people, and often buy the same cds. Somewhere in the last few years, I must have forked off from brother road to form a new one. I'm not sure if I was the only one to veer off course of if we both veered to form new roads. I'm not even sure if this metaphor really works, but hopefully you get the point.

I guess it all started in college. My brother went to UGA and majored in Music Education. His idol was our high school band director and still is. Four years later I joined him in a similar pursuit. I trekked up to the University of Illinois to major in Music Performance. We shared jazz and classical cds while listening intently to what pieces our various ensembles were playing each semester. I remember the Christmas of my freshman year up there when we went to Chicago together to the Midwest Band and Orchestra Clinic. It's a really big conference that all the band directors across America go to. I can't lie. I was really into it. I was a band nerd.

Then the burnout came. I won't go too into it, but ever since that burnout, I think there has been a part of our brother friendship that has died. I couldn't even walk into the rehearsal room just now. It's almost as if I've drawn a line between our worlds. Over there is Fred's music world. Over here in the hipster coffee shop is my world. Every time Fred talks about band, I just let him talk. I'm really glad he's found something to love, to live for, work for, etc... I might even be jealous of that, but it's just not for me.

When I transferred to UGA my second year of college, I got into another crowd. I met some cool people in my dorm and got more into music, but not band music. I went from classical music snob to indie music snob. Along with this change came the change in political leanings, and an overall desire for simplicity. These changes are the ones that have reared their head on our trip.

Here and there, big brother has said some really stupid things on the trip. Indirectly criticizing poor people, cursing at bikers, and an overall elitist attitude are the things that come to mind right now. Now I realize that I often have an elitist attitude about things as well (music, beer, vegetarianism), but I just feel like his is worse. He is hell bent on staying in his little suburban county teaching band to good little school children and having every corporate convenience at his doorstep. When I've mentioned how I want to move to Colorado, he says stuff like "be sure to not live in the poor part of town or teach at the poor school". I don't even know how to respond to that. I do that now and would much rather do that than teach a bunch of silver spoon band kids stuff they will most likely forget or give up after finding something much more meaningful to live for....Okay-harsh.

I think you get my point though. There have been times on this trip when I feel as if taking pictures of scenery were more important than actually experiencing the scenery by hiking through it or just watching the sun set behind it. I have kept my complaining mostly to myself for most of the trip, but acting as an escort (maybe more like a cab driver) at the Grand Canyon and Arches was not so fun for me. When faced with walking or driving, I will gladly walk, or EVEN BIKE! I realize I am not necessarily saving gas by taking a 5000 mile road trip, but when I can save gas, I would like to do that. I also want to do it so I can use the legs God gave me.

Just earlier today, we were driving to downtown Austin. We had no idea how to get to food, so we ended up at a Schlotzsky's. If it were me by myself, I would have walked until I found somewhere I wanted to go, but with older brother, I feel like I should just give in, walk the minimum amount, and succumb to the corporate monster that America has created. I guess it would be better to do that than blow up on him again. I mean, WWJD?

To come: Texas! (but not til I'm out of here, which may take awhile)